Superhero Online Dating
Have you ever wondered what would happen if your favorite superhero created an online dating profile? Jade looks at the personality types which might do well there... Or not...
We all love superheroes, but would we want to be in love with one of them?
In 2017, in The Mighty Captain Marvel #9, Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel, Jessica Jones, and Jessica Drew/Spider-Woman, discovered a dating app designed specifically for superheroes. How much fun would that be?
According to comicbook.com 'A wide array of puns follow, from the app being dubbed 'Cloak & Dater' (a pun on the famous Marvel couple Cloak & Dagger...), to the cringe-worthy bios of some of the most notable users. '
Of course, as is the usual way in comic book land, nefarious deeds were afoot and adventure swiftly followed. But that didn't mean profiles weren't viewed and dates weren't set up. I mean, given the chance, you would, wouldn't you? And as we all know, meeting the right guy or girl isn't easy for the folks who are busy saving the world or the universe or wrestling with moral dilemmas. So, a dating app would be useful.
Not to be outdone, DC introduced a dating app for their superheroes in Green Lanterns #40. But these heroes didn't download Tinder or Grindr like so many people in the real world. Instead, they searched Caper for potential love interests. To celebrate Valentine's Day this year, DC even went so far as to create a playful animated ad for the app. In it, Wonder Woman, Superman, Aquaman, Harley Quinn, Lex Luthor and Cyborg all received a thumbs up, with a swipe right, while Batman, Catwoman, Lois Lane, The Flash, Steve Trevor, John Stewart, Jessica Cruz, Lobo, The Joker, Batgirl, Nightwing, Green Arrow and Booster Gold were swiped left (they were rejected!)
Some debatable choices there, I think you'll agree.
But it highlights a problem. The very things that make superheroes so heroic and admirable may not be as appealing in a potential romantic partner. After all, apart from the associated risk to your safety, getting to spend some quality alone-time with these folks won't be easy. Not when they're there one second and gone in the next or have people to save or kittens to rescue out of trees. And that got me thinking. If you could overlook all of that superhero-y stuff, would some personality types be more appealing than others?
So, let's break down some of the most common personality profiles and study how they might be perceived on a dating site...
The Boy Scout
Profile Overview: This guy is so wholesome, your cavities will heal and your skin will clear if you so much as stand next to him for twenty minutes. He’s kind. Thoughtful. The type to never forget a birthday or an anniversary. Popular with old ladies, children, and dogs. Heck, he’s so amazing, he’s probably good with cats, too. In fact, his popularity is probably the biggest challenge to a relationship with him. He’s so respected and admired, people always call on him for help – even other heroes. His genuine desire to help may occupy much of his time, but he goes out of his way to make sure you know how valued and special you are when he comes home.
Most importantly, he always, always, always stands up for what he believes in and tries to do the right thing. He’s not just looking for someone. He’s looking for The One. And he’ll be as patient as it takes to find her.
Profile Reception: This guy is basically the Holy Grail on dating websites, so it’s something of a surprise his profile doesn’t get the most hits. No, it’s not because women – or men – want to date jerks. But he seems a little too good to be true. Someone who is kind and thoughtful and always tries to make you feel special? There has to be a catfish hook around the corner…or at least an unexpected (and unrequested) dick pic. This guy looks too good to be true, and most people assume he is.
For those who do decide to take the chance, this hero will go out of his way to make them feel special and valued. Even if it doesn’t lead to a lasting relationship, this date will go down in history as The Date – the date that all others will be compared to. And even if it doesn’t lead to love, there’s a good chance he will remain a very good friend for years to come – or at least an incredibly considerate pen pal.
Profile Overview: This guy is the walking embodiment of tragedy. He’s never had a parental figure who didn’t die young, a lover who wasn’t murdered, or a pet he didn’t watch get hit by a car. If he has a sense of humor, it’s incredibly dry. His intensity and focus practically radiate off the computer screen. While he definitely comes off as brooding and A Bit Much, there is an almost antithetical soft side to him that is hard to resist. He denies it exists, so few get to see it, but they treasure it when they do. If he cares for you, you have no doubt he will die for you – if he hasn’t already died in his pursuit of justice. Or revenge. Even for him, that line can be pretty blurred.
Profile Reception: This profile gets a lot of hits initially, but leads to few actual relationships. People are drawn in by a desire to try to “fix” him, but he isn’t interested in being fixed. Plus, his intensity tends to scare most people away. Frankly, he is more than A Bit Much. He is A LOT. It’s hard to keep up.
Those who pursue a date with him will forever claim they’ve never had a more intense or engrossing conversation. This hero’s passion and drive are so deeply ingrained, it’s impossible to not be brought along for the ride. Most won’t maintain the relationship once they realize they’ll always come in second to his undying, all-consuming mission, and that they’ll spend many nights alone. Even when this hero’s around, he’s too consumed by his demons to be truly there. It can be hard, even on those who share their passion or have a similar past. Those on the sidelines are almost invariably left behind. Only those with the same bone-deep sense of conviction and loyalty will have staying power, but for those who do, they will likely forever swear it was totally worth it.
Profile Overview: If tragedy drives this hero, he hides it well. His profile brings a smile to your face. He comes off as so spontaneous. So exciting. So…young. Not necessarily immature, but exuberant and perhaps a little bit naive. Sometimes you’ll wonder if you want to date him or merely protect him from the rest of the world. Then he shows the strength and passion that drive him, and you’re reminded why people love this hero so much. Until he flakes out on you for the fifth date in a row, at which point you’ll want to scream and demand to know why he can’t just grow up.
Still, even when you want to strangle him, nobody is better at bringing a smile to your face with an antic or sarcastic quip. He’s fun! Exciting! He’s utterly exhausting.
Profile Reception: This profile gets so many hits, it’s impossible to keep up with them all. Not everyone will be looking for romance, but that doesn’t matter. Nobody comes off as a better Best Friend than this hero, and everybody just wants to have him in their lives. Smart, funny, witty, and always ready to suggest an impromptu barefoot run through the fountain in City Park, he’s just fun to have around.
It is likely only when you get to know him that you see the sorrow and loss that drives him. However, the fact that he carries it with a smile (and is so determined to make others smile, too) just makes you love him all the more – as a friend or as something more. His apparent immaturity suggests he may not be ready for a serious commitment just yet, so a romance with him is unlikely to last. However, his complete and utter devotion to family and loved ones leaves absolutely no doubt that when he is ready, he will be an incredible partner.
Profile Overview: This guy is so full of himself, you almost have to wonder if he’s being serious or if it is all part of a social experiment. Nobody is likely to be as charming, but nobody’s more likely to make an offhand insulting or dismissive remark, either. He doesn’t just think he’s God’s gift to the dating scene; he thinks he’s God’s gift to the world. In his mind, nobody is smarter, richer, better looking, or
more accomplished. That he is actually smart, good looking, rich, and accomplished makes this even more aggravating.
Profile Reception: He’s rich and powerful, and that draws people in. The fact is, he is everything he is rumored to be. The problem is, he knows it. He can be incredibly charming when he wants to, and the fact he draws so many to him makes you feel special when his attention is directed at you. But this guy is too deeply involved in a relationship with himself to make room for anyone else. As quickly as he draws people in, he alienates them, insults them, and pushes them away. This hero is certainly capable of great love, but he tends to drive people away before they get a chance to see it.
A great guy to have around for a week or two, but any relationship with him is not likely to last much longer.
So who would get a thumbs up from you? Who would you swipe left and reject? Let the debate begin!
What do you think your favorite superhero's profile would look like? Would you answer? Let us know your thoughts in the comments or on social media. #ComicBookLove
*All the Comic Book images accompanying this article are copyrighted to either Marvel or DC Comics and fall under the Fair Use clause of the United States Copyright Law.